the babysitter
by sbs187
Summary: She knows she shouldn't feel this way; she's his daughter's babysitter, he's seven years older, and he's married! But no matter how she looks at it she can't deny that she's definitely fallen for Finn Hudson… and she intends on making him hers.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Another AU fic loosely based on a prompt from finchel-prompts on tumblr. This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it got kind of long so I decided to split it into two parts. I'm still working on the second part, but hopefully it won't take me too long to get done. Fair warning; I've rated this as T, but it will get a little racy toward the end of this first part._

_Please enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee._

* * *

**the babysitter**

_i._

Rachel stands on the small stoop by the front door of the little white house, fidgeting a little nervously. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she waits for someone to open. She usually doesn't get nervous – she normally prides herself on her unwavering confidence – but this is a completely new experience. When Kurt told her that his stepbrother and his stepbrother's wife needed someone to babysit their five year old daughter and reassured her that it would be very easy money she accepted right away. How hard could it be?

But now, standing outside their door, she really hopes that she's not in over her head.

The door slowly opens, halting her inner musings, and her eyes fall on a tall, very slim blonde. She looks down at her with a slight scowl creasing her forehead. "You must be Rachel Berry," she says, extending a slender, perfectly manicured hand.

Rachel smiles widely, takes the proffered hand in hers and shakes it. "I am," she says, beaming back at the blonde, "It is so nice to meet you, Mrs. Hudson."

It is a little strange being so formal with someone that she's well aware is only seven years older than her. But it's always been of utmost importance to her to come off as nothing but polite and perfectly professional.

"Oh, you can call me Quinn," the blonde says and she smiles but it doesn't really reach her green eyes, "Mrs. Hudson makes me sound so old."

"Alright, Quinn," Rachel agrees, giving her another beaming smile, "it is very nice to meet you."

Quinn nods silently and opens the door wider. "Come on in and meet Beth and my husband," she says and Rachel follows her into a small, but cozy, living room. At the opposite end of the room, perched on a plush sofa and with her eyes trained on the TV, sits a tiny blonde girl. "Beth," Quinn says and the little girl turns around. She's a carbon copy of her mother, except for the fact that her eyes are brown instead of green. She hops down and shuffles over to stand next to her mom. "Beth, this is Rachel, Uncle Kurt's friend," Quinn says, "she'll be staying here with you while Daddy and I go out to dinner."

The little girl nods and gives her a small, shy smile. She smiles back and crouches down next to her. "Hi Beth," she says, "You and I are going to have lots of fun tonight. You know, your Uncle Kurt told me that you're really great at playing dress up – " Beth nods vigorously and she smiles wider " – well, so am I and I'd love to see your costumes. Would you like to show me?" Without another word Beth takes off down the hall. Her eyes follow the little girl but come to an abrupt halt as they connect with another, much larger, body.

Walking down the hall, toward her, is the handsomest man she's ever laid her eyes on. He's tall and his brown hair is impeccably rumpled, dimples crease his cheeks and he's just so utterly _gorgeous _in every way_. _She thinks she's even having a bit of trouble breathing as he gives her a crooked grin and quirks an eyebrow. "Hey," he says as he comes up next to her, "I'm Finn. I'm Beth's dad. So," he gives her another smile and her heart flip flops in her chest, "you're friends with my brother?"

"Yes," she says, "we've been in glee together the last two years, and I must say that though I miss him terribly – especially his talent – our friendship has only grown stronger since he moved to New York."

"Oh, uh, cool," Finn says, rubbing the back of his neck, "Anyways, thanks for, you know, being available on such short notice."

"Oh, of course," she says brightly, having trouble tearing her eyes away from his contagious smile, "when Kurt told me you were looking for someone to help out I didn't hesitate at all. I'm always happy to help."

"Well, we really appreciate it. Don't we, sweetheart?" he says as he wraps his arm around Quinn's shoulders and tugs her into his side when she walks by. Quinn gives a short nod and Finn pulls her closer. She can feel an uncomfortable knot tie itself around her insides as she watches them. If she didn't know better she'd think she was feeling the first stings of jealously. But she does know better.

"We should get going. Both our cellphone numbers are on the fridge," Quinn says abruptly and Finn gives her one more crooked smile as he takes his wife's hand and leads her towards the door. "We'll be back by midnight," Quinn adds over her shoulder before the door shuts behind them.

She stands facing the closed door and she closes her eyes. All she can see before her is that adorable, crooked smile. She feels heat flush her body and her heart beats so fast it might be trying to make a run for it.

She does know better. She's not attracted to her best friend's 25 year old stepbrother. She's not. But as she stands there she still can't help but wonder one more time if maybe she's got herself in over her head.

* * *

_ii._

She's sitting by the small kitchen table, watching as Finn pours three bowls of Froot Loops, when she finally admits it to herself. She finally admits that she has undeniably and hopelessly fallen for Finn Hudson. Every time she sees him her heart stops for a second, her breath catches in her throat and her legs turn to jelly and buckle.

After that first night she babysat Beth – who is the sweetest little girl she's ever met and obviously takes after her dad – Finn asked her if she would consider babysitting her on a more regular basis. Of course she said that she'd be happy to and since then she spends every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and evening at the Hudson's little white house and sometimes Saturday nights as well.

And as she lies in bed every night, waiting for sleep to come and take her over, all she sees behind her closed eyes is him. She knows that she's not supposed to have thoughts like those. She knows that she's not supposed to imagine what his large, rough hands would feel like on her naked skin. She's not supposed to feel the heat pool low in her belly.

It's so wrong.

He's seven years older. He's Kurt's brother. He's married for Barbara's sake!

She's his daughter's babysitter and she knows he just sees her as this sweet, innocent, little girl. There are so many reasons why she shouldn't think about him as something more. But she does. She can't help it. Not just because he's the single most handsome man she's ever seen but because he is also the kindest and the sweetest and he's sort of become her friend.

He always takes some time when he gets home – before Quinn does– to ask her about her day and about glee club and her friends. And he tells her about his day and about little cute things Beth has done and sometimes he tells her funny anecdotes about Kurt – like the time he put blue dye in Kurt's shampoo bottle. And they laugh together and he gives her that crooked smile and his dimples poke through his cheeks and her heart spins so much she gets dizzy.

A bowl is placed in front of her on the table and it startles her. Looking up she looks straight into his sparkling, amber eyes. The expression in hers must be comical because he chuckles as he takes the seat between her and Beth.

"Where'd you go?" he says, raising a brow, "You're a million miles away." He shoves a spoon full of the colorful cereal into his mouth and chews happily as he watches her and waits for her answer.

"Oh, just glee club," she says, trying to sound nonchalant and not like she was caught fantasizing about him.

"Yeah?" he smiles, "Got a big solo coming up? I know Kurt loved those. If I have to listen to Defying Gravity one more time I think I might rip my ears off."

She laughs because he's just the most adorable thing ever. "We're doing duets at the moment," she says, "Blaine and I are thinking about doing "Islands in the stream"."

"Cool." He runs his hand through his hair, messing it up further, and she has to restrain herself from reaching out and running her own hands through his messy locks. He shrugs. "You know, I actually wanted to join glee when I was in high school… but Quinn thought it'd conflict too much with football, so I didn't."

A small wrinkle appears between his brows as he speaks. She's noticed it a few times before when he's talking about Quinn. She doesn't know what to say so she just gives him an encouraging smile. Then as he smiles back her confidence grows and she opens her mouth to tell him that she'd be more than happy to sing a duet with him sometime – perhaps something along the lines of "Don't go breaking my heart" – but before any sound has time to leave her the front door opens and closes with a resonant thud.

Thirty seconds later Quinn shows up in the door smiling widely at her husband and daughter. However when she notices the third person at the table her smile falters and the steely look Rachel is used to seeing enters her eyes. "Rachel," she says, walking over to them and kissing Beth on the top of her blonde head, "You're still here?"

"Yeah," Finn says, answering for her, "that's my fault, she was keeping me company and it got kind of late so I got hungry and, you know, I didn't want to be a dick and not offer her something to eat, so now we're just having some cereal."

"I see," Quinn says, leaning in and pressing her lips against Finn's in a kiss that Rachel thinks goes on a little too long, "well, it's almost Beth's bedtime so you may leave now Rachel."

"Oh, of course," she says hurriedly, without looking toward Finn, hops off the chair and makes her way to the hallway. As she's tugging on her coat she hears footsteps against the floor behind her, but she focuses all her attention on buttoning the buttons.

"Rachel," Finn says, and she reluctantly turns around. "Uh, it was fun hanging out tonight."

"It was," she says, buttoning the last button and pulls the door open, "I'll see you next week, Finn."

She leaves without another word. The entire way home she does her best not to think about him, because she knows so well that she shouldn't. It's difficult though and when she lies in her bed a few hours later he's right back where he usually is; front and center in her mind, smiling sweetly at her.

* * *

_iii._

She decides she has to talk to Kurt.

She really tried letting go of Finn. She summoned all of her willpower – something she's always been told she has more than enough of – and she focused it all on thinking of him as her employer and her friend and only that. But it was a pitiful attempt and deep down she knew that it wouldn't work.

She can't push him away. He's sweet and he's caring and the more time she spends with him and gets to know him, the bigger this feeling in the back of her mind grows. She gets the feeling that he's not all that happy.

And the thought that sweet, goofy, adorable Finn Hudson isn't happy kind of breaks her heart.

So she needs to talk to Kurt. He's the only one who might be able to answer her questions. She can't possibly talk to Finn about it. Not yet at least. Not until she knows what's going on. And she certainly cannot talk to Quinn.

She realizes though that Kurt might not feel comfortable answering her questions because he's Finn's brother. But she's hoping that his love of all kinds of gossip is greater than any conviction he has that he needs to protect his brother's privacy. Besides, it's not like she's going to dig very deep. She just wants a better understanding of a few things.

She twirls the pink phone-cord nervously around her forefinger and listens to the monotone sound of the ring tone as she waits for Kurt to pick up. She hasn't really decided yet just how to approach the topic. Should she just come right out and tell Kurt that she's fallen head over heels for his brother? Or should she take a slightly more vague approach?

She doesn't get more time to think about her options because after the third ring, Kurt's happy voice flits through the receiver.

"Why, hello Ms. Rachel Berry," he chirps, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hi Kurt," she says, hoping he doesn't hear the slight wavering of her voice, "Just calling to ask how you're doing."

"Oh, no," Kurt says, chuckling, "I know that tone. You, my dear, want something. Now spill, it's nearly eight-thirty and you know how rigorous my night time skin care regime is. I cannot start it late because that will take away from my beauty sleep."

"I… I wanted to ask you something about Finn," she says carefully, waiting for Kurt's reaction before continuing.

"Finn?" Kurt says, clearly surprised, "What on earth do you want to know about him? If it's the reason he insists on wearing those awful puffy vests, all I can say is that I have absolutely no idea. I've told him time and time again that they do nothing for his figure. But does he listen? No, he does not –"

"No, no, nothing like that," she says, ending what she knows would have been a lengthy tirade. She actually thinks that the vests are cute but she won't tell that to Kurt. Instead she pauses a second, choosing her words carefully, "I've been working for him a couple months now," she begins tentatively, "and I just wanted to know a little bit more about him."

"Oh, so you just want to know more about your employer. Is that it, Rachel?" he says and she can practically hear him roll his eyes.

"Yes," she says, feeling defiant, "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Frankly, yes, Rachel," Kurt huffs, "If you just wanted to get some info on your employer you'd have asked months ago, when you first started." He falls quiet for a few moments and she twists the cord tighter around her finger. "You know," he says, "I do know when I'm being lied to. Just tell me what you want to know, I promise I won't judge you. I'm well aware of the effect Finn has on women, I've been his brother almost ten years now."

"Okay," she says slowly, dragging the word and giving herself just a little more time, "Now, I know this might sound strange but I was wondering how Finn and Quinn ended up married?"

"Oh, that one's easy," Kurt says, the previous mirth in his voice suddenly gone, "You are currently working as the reason they got married's babysitter."

"Oh!" she gasps, her hand flying up to cover her mouth, "They got married because of Beth?"

"They did," Kurt confirms, then ads; "Not that he'd ever admit that, of course, but Finn's as easy to read as an open book. He didn't have to say anything."

"What happened?"

"Well," Kurt says, taking a deep breath and pausing for effect, "Finn and Quinn were high school sweethearts. I don't really know much about them back then, I was nine and Finn was fifteen when our parents got married so a lot of that stuff kind of went over my head at the time."

"Oh," Rachel says, feeling a bout of disappointment filling her, "Well, I'd appreciate anything you could tell me. I… to be honest, I've noticed that Finn sometimes seems a bit unhappy and I just want to understand why so that maybe I could help him. As a friend of course."

"Of course. That's very nice of you, Rachel," Kurt says, "I guess what you need to know is how Finn and Quinn got married and ended up back in Lima. You see, after high school Finn got a football scholarship to OSU. But Quinn stayed in Lima and went to Lima U, so they had a long distance relationship. Now, obviously I don't know all of the details – only the ones I've been able to wrangle from Finn – but I get the distinct feeling that Finn was thinking about breaking up with Quinn after their sophomore year of college. Long story short, she got pregnant, told him during summer break, he proposed and moved back to Lima. He did his last two years of college at Lima U and after he graduated he started working as the assisting coach to the University's football team. Quinn started working as a real estate agent and well, here we are."

"Do you think they love each other?" The words slip from her lips before she has a chance to consider them and she can feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. "You don't have to answer that," she says quickly, "that's too personal."

"It kind of is," Kurt agrees, "but I know you only mean well, Rachel. Honestly I don't know. I hope so..."

She doesn't say anything. It's not really the time or the place for her to tell Kurt she's hoping for the exact opposite. "Thank you so much, Kurt," she says, "I know that you didn't have to tell me any of this, but I'm really glad you did."

"I'm just happy to know that there's one more person in his corner," Kurt says and she distinctly detects a note of sadness in his voice but she lets it go. She's already asked too much.

"He's a really good friend," she says.

"He is. Well, Rachel if that was all, I really need to start exfoliating now."

"Oh, of course Kurt," she says, "I'll talk to you later in the week."

They say their goodnights and she hangs up. Her head is spinning with all the new information – information that she doesn't know what to do with. It's obvious to her that something is missing in Finn's life. She just doesn't know if she dares believe it's her.

* * *

_iv._

She stands in front of the mirror that's hanging on the wall in her bedroom, twisting and turning, as she scrutinizes her reflection. She tugs on the hem of the new dress she bought just a few hours earlier. It's tighter and little shorter than the dresses she usually wears, showing off a little more of her toned, tanned legs. And it's a solid dark pink – there's not a frilly bow, love heart or carousel horse in sight.

She thinks it makes her look a lot more grown up than the plaid skirts, knee highs and penny loafers she usually wears. She really hopes he will think so too.

She so desperately wants him to look at her in a different light. They're friends – they've become rather close over the last few months – they're good friends even. Whenever their eyes meet he smiles that gorgeous lopsided grin at her and her heart flips and it's sweet. But she wants more. She wants his eyes to fall on her and his mouth to drop open and his heart rate speed up. She wants him to think dirty thoughts when he sees her. She wants to be the star of all his dreams.

She needs him to see her as an attractive, desirable young woman and not some silly teenage girl.

She's made up her mind. She wants him and she intends on getting him. He's married – yes – but obviously not happily so and she wants to be the one to make him happy.

She glances at the clock on the wall and realizes that she's running late. It's Saturday night and she's supposed to be at Finn and Quinn's in ten minutes to watch Beth while they go out to dinner. Her insides twists uncomfortably when she thinks about Finn and Quinn going out on a date together, but she doesn't have the time to think about it any further and lets the uneasy thoughts go, as she grabs her purse and runs out the door.

As she drives the short distance to the Hudson home she almost gets cold feet. She looks over her shoulder at the cardigan resting on the backseat and considers putting it on. Maybe she shouldn't come on too strong right away. Maybe she should ease Finn into the idea of the new, more mature, Rachel Berry.

Shaking her head, she quickly decides against anything of that notion. She's Rachel Barbara Berry after all and Rachel Barbara Berry does not commit only half-heartedly to something. Discarding any thought of not sticking completely to her plan, she pulls into their driveway and casts the cardigan one last look before smoothing out her dress and hurrying out of the car.

She's slightly breathless as she stands by the door, waiting for either Finn or Quinn to open, and her chest moves in time with her rapid breaths. The door's pulled open and she looks straight into Finn's broad body. Feeling her face flush and some of her confidence leave her; she looks down at her shoes, as she attempts to step around him.

"Hi, Finn," she says, taking a step forward, "I know I'm a little late. I hope it's not a problem." He doesn't answer and he's still standing in her way. "Finn," she says again, a little louder and looks up.

He snaps to and his eyes meet hers but not before she notices where they were resting before. She gives herself a pat on the back for her choice of attire and discreetly pushes her chest out a little bit more. For a second his gaze drops again and his face turns pink.

"Finn," she says a third time, giggling gently, "Are you going to let me in or do you want me to watch Beth from out here tonight?"

"Oh, uhm, sorry Rach," he mumbles, "Come on in."

"Thanks," she says and squeezes past him, making sure that her bare arm brushes against his shirt-clad stomach. She swears she can feel his muscles contract at her light touch and goose bumps prickle her skin. As she walks further into the room she can feel his eyes following her, leaving burning marks on her skin, and she turns her head to give him a look that tells him it wasn't an accidental touch.

Then Quinn appears, wearing a deep frown, and the spell is broken. Finn quickly clears his throat, mumbles something about needing a jacket and leaves.

"Rachel, finally," Quinn sighs, "I was starting to worry you wouldn't show."

"I'm so sorry, Quinn," she says.

"Never mind, you're here now," Quinn interrupts her. "Ready to go, honey?" she says, turning toward the direction Finn left.

"Yeah, I'm ready," he answers, appearing at the end of the hallway. His face is still flushed and he's not even attempting to look at Rachel. She doesn't really mind though, that he all of a sudden hardly acknowledges that she's there. She saw the way he looked at her before Quinn showed up. She can tell that she affects him.

"We'll be back in a few hours," Quinn says, taking Finn, who's looking down at his feet, by the hand and pulling him out the door.

* * *

_v._

Hours later when Beth is sleeping soundly and Rachel is sitting in the living room watching some old movie she doesn't know the name of, the front door opens and closes with a thud and she can hear muffled voices traveling round the corner. She can't make out exactly what they are saying but it's still obvious that Finn and Quinn are in the middle of a fight.

Holding her breath she gets off of the sofa and as quietly as possible she turns off the TV and pads over to the hallway. Maybe if she can discreetly just slip out into the hallway, they'll remember that they're not alone. The entire situation is so horribly uncomfortable that she kind of wants the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

She peeks around the corner and finds Finn standing by himself next to the staircase. She clears her throat quietly. He turns around and her heart clenches at the distraught look in his eyes. He smiles when he sees her, but it's not genuine, it's actually more of a pained grimace than the sweet grin he usually wears.

"Rach, hi," he says, "Uh, Quinn went upstairs to check on Beth." He rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, thanks again for watching her. I will see you next Tuesday, right?"

She just nods, pretending that she didn't hear their angry voices battling each other not even a minute ago. "Yeah, I'll be back on Tuesday," she says as she pulls on her coat.

"Cool." He gives her a small wave.

As she closes the door behind her, she doesn't know what she's supposed to think or feel. She's sad that Finn's sad but at the same time this was what she wanted. Wasn't it?

* * *

_vi._

She quickly recovers from her bout of self-doubt. All it really takes is for Finn's eyes to rake across her body the next time she sees him and she's back to her normal confident self. She's the one for him and she knows it. Sometimes she thinks that he knows it too. Or at least she thinks that he wants her just as much as she wants him.

She's caught him staring at her a few times when he's obviously thinking that he's being discreet and she's not looking. She thinks it's adorable, the way his cheeks turn crimson and the way he sputters unintelligible words when he gets caught. But he's never mentioned the fact that she's caught him looking, he just kind of acts like it didn't happen.

But the way he sometimes looks at her, his eyes dark and shining and his mouth slightly open, makes her entire body heat up. It's erotic and lust slithers around both of them and all she can think about is Finn's naked body pressed against hers. Sometimes when they're alone together she worries that she might actually spontaneously combust.

* * *

_vii._

It's late one Thursday afternoon, a few weeks after that night when she heard Finn and Quinn arguing – possibly about her – and she's sitting in the Hudson kitchen watching Beth draw a picture while they're waiting for Finn to come home.

She hears a key scrape against the metal of the lock and she stands, smoothing out her short black skirt, as she watches Beth hop of her chair and run into the hallway. She hears his warm voice greet his daughter and she hears Beth's giggles and then they appear round the corner. He's holding onto Beth with one hand and in the other he's balancing a pizza box. His eyes light up – the way they always seem to do when he looks at her – and he smiles his adorable lopsided grin.

"Hey Rach," he says and her heart beats so hard she's surprised he doesn't hear it. "Dinner?" He puts the box on the counter and her hesitation must shine through because he adds; "Don't worry, it's vegetarian. I'll just, like, add some real cheese to mine and Beth's pieces."

She's completely confused but he doesn't seem to notice as he puts three plates at the table. This is the first time in weeks that he's asked her to stay for dinner. She wants to, she wants any and all extra time – alone time – that she can spend with him, but she knows Quinn won't like it.

"What about Quinn?" she asks, trying to sound nonchalant, as if she's just generally curious, "Shouldn't we wait for her?"

"Oh, she didn't tell you?" he says, one eyebrow quirked in question, as he looks up from the pizza, "She's having dinner with her boss tonight, so it's just the three of us."

"Oh, really? That's nice…" she says as she sits down, trying her hardest to quell the wide smile that's threatening to split her face in two. "…for her I mean," she adds quickly, feeling her cheeks flame and her heart skip in her chest.

All night, as the hours has trickled by, Rachel's been almost waiting for and dreading the moment Finn would tell her that she should go home. But so far he hasn't and now it's pushing ten o'clock and Quinn is still not back and she's sitting, with her knees pulled up against her chest, on the sofa next to Finn watching Braveheart.

She glances at him through the corner of her eye. He seems to be completely enthralled by the movie. It's his favorite; she knows that because a few weeks back they talked about their favorite movies. He sat patiently, with a smile on his lips, all through her forty minute lecture about Funny Girl and he didn't complain even once. It made her fall even harder and more completely for him than she already had. He must be the sweetest man in the world.

She smiles to herself and stretches her legs, brushing her bare thigh against Finn's knee. It has the effect she was hoping for and she manages to catch his attention, his gaze leaving the TV-screen and slipping down to rest on her legs. His breath becomes shallow and it makes her feel bold.

Slowly she lifts one leg and hooks it over his thighs. She tries to act as casual as possible, but she can feel herself shake a little and she thinks he can too. His eyes travel from her toe to the hem of her skirt, and then his fingers follow, gently caressing her skin. Her breath stops in her throat and she emits a little gasp as his cold fingers dance across her heated skin.

He's not looking at her. His eyes are firmly locked on his own hands rubbing up and down her legs almost as though he's caught in some sort of trance. No matter how good his hands feel on her skin and no matter how much she worries that any second something will happen that breaks their moment, she wants him to look at her. She can't let herself believe this is really happening unless he looks her in the eyes.

Tentatively she sits a little straighter, reaches out a hand and traces her fingers along the scatter of birthmarks on his cheek. "Finn," she says and her voice sounds husky and breathless. He turns to look at her, his face still cradled in her hand, and his eyes are so dark they're almost black.

She wets her lips, practically humming with anticipation. He leans closer and his breath fans her face.

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to," she whispers.

He doesn't answer with words; he just closes the final inch between them and his lips mash against hers. They mold perfectly against hers and he tastes like cinnamon chewing gum and something that must be uniquely 'Finn'. It's the single sweetest, most exciting and tantalizing moment of her life. He tugs her bottom lips into his mouth and suck on it slowly, thoroughly, like he wants to commit her taste to memory.

She laces her fingers through his hair and pulls on the short strands. He grunts against her mouth. She thinks she can feel something – a certain part of him – pressed against her thigh. She moves her leg a little, rubbing it against him. He moans a deep rumbling sound that sets fire to her every cell.

Her bold moves make him tremble – she can feel it – but it also seems to put an end to their moment together. Much too abruptly. She can feel his lips stop moving and she doesn't want him to stop but he does. He's pulling away. She looks at him with big, hazy eyes. His hair is mussed and his lips are a little swollen from her kisses.

"What are we doing, Rach?" he says, scooting back quickly; away from her. He gently takes her legs and lifts them off of his lap. "We can't do this."

"Why not?" she asks, knowing she sounds like a petulant child, "I know you want to."

"We can't," he says again, ignoring her comment, "I'm married. You're only eighteen. I can't do this to Quinn…I …I love her. We can't do this."

He shakes his head and she feels her heart drop and smash into the ground. "But she doesn't make you happy," she cries before she has a chance to stop herself.

"You know nothing about that," he snaps, suddenly angry, pushing himself off of the sofa. He walks with swift strides to the other side of the room. Grabbing the back of his head with both hands, he turns back around to look at her. "You shouldn't talk like that about things you don't understand, Rachel."

She can see his shoulders slump and just like that he goes from angry to defeat within seconds. "It's late, you should leave, Rachel."

He leaves the room, leaves her sitting alone on the sofa listening to his steps against the staircase. As she leaves a minute later and drives home she makes a promise to herself that she won't let this deter her. It's obvious that he wants her and he is still going to get her. She never backs down on a promise.

* * *

_viii._

About a week later as she's lying in bed listening to Barbara Streisand on full volume she gets a call, completely out of the blue, from Finn. When she babysat Beth a couple days earlier he was nowhere to be seen, Quinn said that he had to work late but she knew that he was avoiding her – avoiding their kiss – and she worried he'd stay away from her forever.

But now he's calling her and she knows that Quinn is taking Beth to visit relatives in Cincinnati for the weekend and that she has the weekend off and she thought that he'd spend the weekend avoiding her so she doesn't understand why he's all of a sudden calling her. But her lips stretch in a wide smile as she answers.

"Hi, Finn," she says and her voice is breathy and sweet as sugar.

"Rach, hey," he says and his voice is dark and soft and a little shaky, almost as if he's a little nervous. "Uhm… I… eh," he stutters, "I need to talk to you, Rach."

"You do?" she asks, trying to quell the urge to toss her phone in the air and do celebratory cartwheels. Talking means being in the same room and the last time they were in the same room they kissed and she so desperately wants to do that again. She wants to feel his lips moving against hers again, she's addicted now.

But maybe he just wants to talk to her to tell her they can never see each other ever again.

"Yeah," he says, "Do you maybe want to come over on Saturday? We could watch a movie or something."

"I'd be more than happy to, Finn," she smiles giddily and she can hear him exhale his pent up nerves through the phone.

They decide that she'll come by on Saturday afternoon and she tells him she will bring him some of her banana bread because she knows how much he loves it and he thanks her and his voice is soft and sweet. They say their goodbyes and as she hangs up she does a little happy dance because Finn isn't avoiding her anymore and now she just knows that if she works hard enough at it she will make him hers.

* * *

_ix._

"I'm sorry," he kind of randomly blurts out about fifteen minutes into the movie. He asked her over to talk and she could tell something was on his mind, but so far they've hardly said two words to each other. She turns around to look at him with wide eyes. "I'm sorry I got angry, Rach," he says, "I… I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

"It's okay," she says, smiling reassuringly at him because it really is okay, "I was completely out of line with my comments. My behavior was utterly deplorable and I'm the one who should apologize."

"No, I kissed you when I shouldn't have so it's my fault," he says, rubbing the back of his neck and turning his gaze down toward his lap. It feels like he wants to say something else but is refraining.

"But you wanted to?" she says carefully.

"Yeah, I did want to." He nods and his cheeks turn pink, but he doesn't look up at her.

"Why?"

"You're really cool, Rachel," he says, turning his gaze from his hands to look her in the eyes, "and I… I like you. Uh, probably a lot more than I should, you know since I'm married and stuff, but I just can't help it. I _like_ you, Rach."

He reaches out to cup her cheek and she leans into his palm and his hand is rough against her delicate skin and he gently brushes his thumb along her cheekbone and it just feels so, so right.

"It's… complicated with Quinn," he continues, his finger methodically rubbing her cheek, "I… uhm, I love her, you know, but I don't think we've been happy for a while and I – "

"Finn," she cuts him off, "you really don't have to tell me any of this. It's not really any of my business."

He looks at her, with this little surprised wrinkle between his brows, as if he wasn't expecting her to say that. "Uh, I guess I just want you to know that I'm not a total douchebag," he chuckles uncomfortably. "I don't want to cheat on my wife, Rachel, but at the same time I can't _not_ want to be with you."

Without really thinking about it she leans in and presses her lips against his. For a few seconds he just sits there – frozen – as her lips move slowly against his. She's about to pull back, to apologize for misinterpreting the situation, when his hand comes up and wraps around the back of her head and pulls her closer. She smiles against his lips, because know she knows for sure that he wants this as much as she does. His lips grow more persistent and she teases them apart with the tip of her tongue and slides it into his mouth to brush against his.

He groans and his grasp on her head becomes tighter, his fingers tangling in her hair at the nape of her neck. "God, you're so fucking hot, Rach," he breathes into her mouth. "So fucking hot."

She giggles and pulls away and he takes the opportunity to let his lips fall and connect with her neck. She climbs into his lap, grabbing his shoulder and straddles him, as his mouth keeps doing amazing things to her neck. He's already hard – she can feel him press against her. She rolls her hips and nips at the skin just below his ear and he moans her name and his hips buck up against hers.

She loves that she can make him act like that – that she can pull those animalistic sounds from his throat – make him come apart at the seams. She leans back a little, just so that she's able to see his face and the ball of pulsing heat residing inside her grows ten times hotter at the way his features are already scrunched together. Feeling bold, she lets her right hand slide down his chest and between their bodies. Finn's wearing sweatpants so there's no tricky belt to get past and she smiles contently to herself as her hand slips beneath the waistband and her fingers wrap around him.

She moves her hand, first slowly and then faster and faster – watching his every expression – until he tenses and grunts and shakes before his body goes completely limp.

"Oh, god, Rach," he says, his face pink from his climax and embarrassment, "I… I'm sorry, I didn't intend… I mean I… it's just it's been a while and you're so beautiful and sexy and it felt so good and – "

She cuts him off with a kiss – a deep, slow kiss where her tongue slides languidly against his. "No," she says when they break apart, "don't apologize, that was perfect. I love that _I _have that effect on you." She presses another kiss against his lips, this one much harder and dirtier. "Besides," she whispers throatily against his ear and presses an open mouthed kiss against his cheek, "I know how you can pay me back."

When she leaves a few hours later – because, of course, even though she would like nothing more than to stay in his arms all night she has to leave – it is impossible for her to let go of the wide smile adorning her face as Finn presses a chaste kiss against her cheek. He tells her that they'll talk later and she just nods because she has trouble forming coherent thoughts because she just had sex with Finn. Amazing, spine-tingling, toe-curling sex with Finn Hudson. Twice! So she doesn't notice the little worry wrinkle between his brows as he tells her goodnight.

* * *

_x._

Finn calls her a couple days later and asks her to come over. He doesn't sound very excited – he should be excited to see her, especially considering the things she plans on doing to him – but she shakes it off as him being nervous. It's sweet, really – that he's nervous still.

He greets her at the door with a hug, but no kiss and his eyes lack their usual sparkle.

"What's wrong?" she asks as soon as they're both sitting by the table and he puts a cup of coffee in front of her. She can tell that something's wrong.

He takes a sip of his own coffee, wincing because it's too hot, and he rubs the back of his head looking at a spot on the table in front of him. He takes a deep breath and pushes the air between his teeth. "I'm so sorry, Rachel," he says.

"What? Why?"

"I told Quinn, you know, about us, uh, sleeping together…"

She gasps, her eyes growing impossibly wide, and he continues.

"I didn't, you know, give any specifics, uhm like she doesn't know that it happened on the couch, but she knows that it happened."

"Oh." She doesn't know what to say. This wasn't supposed to happen. "Uhm, why… why did you tell her?" It's an incredibly inane question and she knows it. Of course she knows why he did it.

"I had to," he says, looking at her with pleading eyes, "she's my wife, Rachel – "

"But I, I thought you _liked me_, Finn –"

"I do, _I do like you_. A lot. And if things were different I wouldn't hesitate a second to be with you but they aren't. I'm Beth's dad before anything else and I owe it to her to make it work with Quinn. I grew up without a father and I won't let that happen to her."

She's sniffling quietly, but she doesn't let any tears fall. All of the times she thought about being with Finn – in all of the fantasies she built up in her head – it never ended like this. He was supposed to choose her. In all of her silly, immature schoolgirl fantasies he chose her.

"What did Quinn say?" she asks.

He looks down at his hands – guilt written all over his body. "She yelled – a lot," he says, "like full-on screaming for a good half hour. Then she left for a few hours. But once she'd calmed down she came back and told me that she was willing to work on our marriage and I have to Rach, for Beth."

She wants to protest. She wants to stand up and tell him that she knows he doesn't love Quinn and make him understand that he should be with her. But she doesn't because that would be so horribly selfish of her. She knows that she can be a tad selfish at times – some say she's a lot and all of the time – but not even she is that selfish. He has a daughter that he loves more than life and she won't do that to him.

She's been a fool. She wanted him so badly she never accepted that he wasn't hers to take. She gets off of her chair, standing up. "I'll leave," she says, she can't stay there and look into his pleading eyes, "I assume that Quinn doesn't want me to babysit Beth anymore."

He gives a tiny nod.

"So I guess this is goodbye then, Finn," she says.

He gets up and grabs her hand and he pulls her closer and presses a kiss to her cheek that lasts a little too long. "I really liked getting to know you, Rachel," he whispers, "You're really awesome."

She pulls away, looking for a second into his eyes where the longing is so clear she just wants to fall right back into his arms. Instead she turns away and leaves as fast as she can.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks! Let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow, thanks for the awesome response! I really hope you'll enjoy this second part._

* * *

_xi._

A month after Finn's rejection Rachel graduates high school. It's actually been a good distraction from thinking about Finn – graduation and her imminent move to New York and NYADA – so the beaming smile she shoots her dads as she walks across the stage to receive her diploma is more than genuine.

Of course she still thinks about him – the dreams she has some nights are very vivid – but she's been so busy planning her move that sometimes she realizes that she hasn't even spared him a thought in hours.

She's moving on. Finn isn't hers and he never was and he never will be and the sooner she accepts that the better.

Her dads treat her and her friends from glee who are also graduating, Blaine, Santana and Brittany, to a graduation lunch at Breadstix. She's sitting sandwiched between her Daddy and Santana and everyone's happy and laughing and talking about their futures. She wants to join in but all of a sudden all she can think about is Finn. She doesn't even know why. Maybe it's all the talk about leaving that makes her think about him – about the fact that she's leaving Lima and never coming back and leaving him behind.

"What's wrong with you?" Santana asks, poking her hard in the side. "You've been quiet for more than five minutes now and it's starting to freak me out."

"Nothing," she says, shrugging dismissively, and takes a sip of her ice water, "I guess I'm just thinking."

"About what? What could possibly be more exciting than graduation?" Santana crosses her arms over her chest and raises a well-manicured eyebrow at her. "I mean I'd know if this was all you mooning over some boy, wouldn't I?"

"I'm sure Rachel's just thinking about New York. She is moving there in less than a week after all," Blaine cuts in, saving Rachel without knowing it.

Her Daddy's ears perk at the mention of New York and he turns toward them with a somber look behind his dark-rimmed glasses. "Are you sure you want to move there so soon, pumpkin? Your dad and I would love to have you home all summer. Besides I thought you told me Blaine's not leaving until the week before classes start."

"I know, Daddy," she says, placing her hand on top of his, "but you know how I like to be meticulous in my preparations and I feel that I really need to experience being a New Yorker before starting at NYADA. And Kurt and I need these couple months to grow accustomed to each other and living together. I don't want any distractions once classes at NYADA start."

She smiles a wide smile at her dads and her friends who are all watching her. She almost has herself convinced so surely they all must believe her. She can't really tell them the true reason why she's decided to move to New York so soon, can she?

That she's moving to get away from Finn Hudson.

* * *

_xii._

She was close to Kurt before but after living together he quickly becomes her very best friend. They share a small apartment on the Lower East Side and she just loves living with him. It's like she's living in her own personal musical because they're always singing and dancing and acting and it's heaven.

They're really very similar and they get along famously, well, except for when Kurt tells her that she dresses like an odd mixture of a toddler and a grandmother but he's doing that less and less.

It takes Kurt about a week and a half after her arrival to figure out that she has feelings for Finn. He might already have known that to be honest. And then it takes him about another two days to figure out that she acted on those feelings and another two minutes to realize that they actually slept together.

He tells her that she's crazy and shakes his head and asks why she would do such a thing and then he hugs her tight and lets her cry softly against his shoulder. Then he tells her that Finn's life is pretty messed up and she should actually be happy that she's not caught in the middle of it. She thinks that maybe she wouldn't mind being caught up in his life so much, but she doesn't tell Kurt that. Instead she bakes him skinny blueberry muffins – his favorite – and they watch The Way We Were over and over until both of them are all cried out.

* * *

_xiii._

She's standing in the kitchen early one morning cutting up some fruit for breakfast. Kurt is at a seminar held by _the_ Carmen Tibideaux – one that she can't attend, no matter how many infinitely polite voice messages she's left Madame Tibideaux, because she is only a freshman – so she has the apartment to herself the whole morning. She intends on making good use of the time and has invited Blaine over to rehearse the scene from Evita they're supposed to perform in class in a few days.

Normally, when Kurt's around, they can't get any work done because all Blaine does is make lovey-dovey eyes at Kurt and it's starting to get really frustrating. She's happy for them; they are cute together. But she just doesn't like being reminded of things that she can't have – like love.

She puts the fruit in a bowl and the knife in the sink and she is drying her hands off on a dishtowel when there's a knock at the door. Looking down at the tank top and boyshorts she hasn't changed out of yet, she shrugs and decides that Blaine won't mind her state of undress because; A. He's gay. And B. He's seen a lot of it already one night in their junior year of high school when they were both horribly drunk on pink wine coolers.

She's at the door just as there's another, slightly harder, knock. She pulls it open, prepared to chide Blaine for his lack of patience, when her eyes collide with a very wide, very familiar chest. And it's not Blaine's.

Shocked silence reigns for a few seconds and then he tentatively says; "Hey, Rachel."

The words come out in a short breath and kind of blend together and for a moment her brain just stops working. Finn's standing in front of her. Not Blaine. Finn. The chill seeping in from the hallway makes goose bumps erupt on her skin and pulls her from inside her own head. She quickly glances down at her bare legs and realizes Finn is doing the same, his eyes having stopped at the small sliver of bare skin peeking out just below the edge of her tank top. She crosses her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"Finn?" she says. She hasn't seen him in almost five months and she still can't quite process the fact that he's standing in front of her. His dark brown hair is wet and plastered against his forehead and water is dripping from his jacket. It must be raining outside. And he's clutching a duffel bag in his right hand.

"Uh, is Kurt here?" he asks, shifting awkwardly in the puddle forming around him.

"No, uhm, he's at a seminar," she says, taking one more moment to just take him in. He's shivering slightly. "Oh god, you're soaked, Finn," she says, taking his hand and tugging him toward her, "Come in."

"Thanks," he says, smiling timidly at her and she quickly lets go of his hand. He shrugs off his jacket, drops the duffel by the door.

"There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen," she says, pointing toward the little kitchenette at the other end of the apartment, "and… uh, I just made some fruit salad if you'd like something to eat. I'll be right there."

She hurries into her bedroom and closes the door behind her. She sits down on her bed and inhales deeply, holds her breath for a second and lets it go. She repeats the action one more time as she tells herself that she is perfectly fine with having Finn only a few yards away. He's Kurt's brother and she's living with Kurt, of course she was going to meet him again at some point. And she's fine with that. Perfectly fine, she tells herself

She's not sure that she believes herself though.

Pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie she makes her way back to the kitchen and finds Finn sitting by the tiny table, nursing a cup of coffee and picking the pieces of strawberry from her salad. He looks up with a sheepish grin on his lips when he hears her enter and he can't help but smile back.

He's still absolutely adorable and her heart pirouettes.

She takes a seat opposite him – she doesn't dare sit right next to him – and pours a cup of coffee for herself. "So," she says, feeling a need to fill the silence with something, "Kurt didn't tell me you were planning to visit."

"Oh, uhm, it was a spur of the moment thing, I guess," he says, looking up from his cup and giving her a half grin that doesn't seem the slightest sincere. She looks closer into his eyes and she realizes quickly what Kurt meant that one time when he told her that Finn's as easy to read as an open book. He fidgets and takes a sip of his coffee and she knows he's lying to her.

"You're not here just to visit your brother, are you?" she asks and slowly he shakes his head. "Finn, did something happen?"

"Quinn cheated on me."

"Oh my god, Finn, I'm so sorry," she says, getting up and taking the chair next to him. "Was it… I mean did she… Did she do it to get back at you? You know, because we – "

"No," he sighs, "it didn't happen recently, at least not that I know of."

She's confused. "Then when did she – "

"Six years ago," he says, the words coming through gritted teeth and his eyes squeeze together in pain, "Six years ago she cheated on me with my best fucking friend and you know what happened?" His hands clutch the cup so tightly his knuckles turn ghostly white. "She got fucking pregnant and she told me I was the father when all along Puck was the father and I was a fucking joke because I was too dumb to do the math!"

He gets up so fast the chair falls over, he gives it a hard kick, rubs a hand over his face and storms across the living room. She sits there with her mouth open as she hears him slam Kurt's bedroom door shut. She quickly decides not to follow him.

Though, of course, she understands the implications of what he just told her she knows that it's not the entire story and she wants him to be able to tell her it on his own terms. For now she will just give him his space.

* * *

_xiv._

He doesn't tell her the rest of the story. Kurt does. Kurt tells her that Finn feels embarrassed after his outburst earlier and doesn't really want to talk about what happened between him and Quinn, but has given him his blessing to fill her in.

"He's a mess," Kurt sighs, as he sits down next to Rachel on their tiny sofa and she turns off the rerun of Grey's Anatomy. "He's sleeping now – at least I think he is. He must have been exhausted after the trip and telling that story was definitely no picnic."

"What happened?" she asks, pulling her legs to her chest and wraps her arms around her knees. "I mean, he told me what happened, but I'm guessing only parts of it."

"The powder keg finally exploded," Kurt says, leaning back into the cushions and crossing his right leg over his left. Sighing he turns toward her, his eyes filled with sadness for his brother. "I knew that staying in that sham of a marriage would blow up in his face one day."

"Well, they stayed together for Beth," Rachel says, reciting Finn's reason for not wanting to get involved with her. "That's quite admirable, don't you think?"

"No," Kurt says, surprising her, "What Beth needs is to actually know her real father and for her to have parents who aren't lying to themselves and each other."

"But," she protests, "Finn told me he loves Quinn."

"And I'm sure that he does, just not in the way he's supposed to. They got married because she got pregnant with Beth, I told you that right?"

She nods, her head bowed down, looking at her knees instead of Kurt.

"Well, Finn proposed because he thought he was Beth's father and now not even that's true. And to find out the way he did, no wonder he's a blubbering mess in there - "

She stops him, putting her hands on his shoulders. "Wait, Kurt," she says, "What did happen yesterday? I still don't think I fully understand."

Kurt pinches the bridge of his nose and leans back again. "Well, apparently," he begins, "yesterday Finn got off work a little early and went home to surprise Quinn and when he got there he walked right in on a screaming match between Quinn and his best friend Puck – well, I guess he's his ex-best friend now – "

Rachel pulls in a harsh breath, looking with wide eyes at Kurt as he continues.

"Anyway, Finn showing up kind of startles them and he's super confused of course and about to ask them what's going on when Puck tells Quinn that she needs to tell Finn the truth or he will and then Puck just leaves."

It burns behind Rachel's eyes as she imagines Finn standing in his and Quinn's cozy little kitchen waiting for his wife to tell him he's not the father of a child he's loved for over five years. "What did Quinn tell him?" she says.

"He told me that she sat him down and she started crying and pretty much told him that Puck was Beth's real father. Just like that, like she was ripping off some frickin' band aid." Kurt takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself. "She'd had a two-month long affair with him during the end of their sophomore year when Finn was away at OSU and when she got pregnant she freaked out and when Finn assumed he was the father she didn't tell him he wasn't because she didn't want to lose him."

Rachel wipes a tear from her cheek. "What did he do?"

"He got up, packed a bag and took the first available flight to New York. I told him he could stay here as long as he wants, I hope that's okay."

"Of course, Kurt," she says.

She shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the image of Finn and Quinn standing in their kitchen. It's just so, so wrong. She wishes there was something she could do for him.

* * *

_xv._

She finds Finn sitting by the tiny kitchen table again the next morning. There's a cup of coffee on the table in front of him but he seems to have forgotten about it and his eyes are rimmed with dark circles. He probably hasn't slept at all. He looks up at her and she gives him a warm, encouraging smile and he gives her a tiny, unconvincing one back.

"Hi," she says.

"Hi, Rach."

"How're you feeling?" she asks as she sits down next to him. She grabs his hands in hers and his eyes briefly flicker down.

"Kurt told you everything?" He arches an eyebrow and she nods her head softly. "Like crap," he says, "like complete and utter crap."

"I'm sorry," she says, giving his hands a squeeze and lets them go, "I can't believe Quinn would actually do such a thing."

"I cheated on her too," he says, shaking his head.

"We slept together once, Finn – "

"Twice," he cuts in.

"Twice," she says, feeling her cheeks flush, "And you ended it for your family. She got pregnant by another man and lied to you about it for six years. There's a bit of a difference."

"I just… I feel so bad, you know?" he says, running his hand through his already messy hair, "And just so stupid because let myself believe her lies."

"You're not stupid, Finn. You're the most caring person I know and you can't be faulted for wanting to believe your girlfriend."

He nods but shoulders sag and it's obvious he's not convinced. "And what about Beth?"

He's not really looking at her and she doesn't know if he's talking to her or to himself or if the words are just slipping from his lips without him even knowing it. He looks so lost and she so desperately wants to help him. "You should go back to Lima," she says and that gets his attention.

"What?"

"You need to go back and talk to Quinn – "

"How do I even do that? I don't even know if I can even be in the same room as her without breaking down and crying like a girl."

"Don't do it for Quinn. Do it for Beth, no matter what anyone says she's still your daughter and you have to go back and work something out for her."

"You're right," he says after a several minutes of silence. Drinking the last bit of what must be cold coffee, he gets up and puts the empty cup in the sink. When he looks at her his eyes are lit up with determination. "I have to at least see what I can do for Beth." He leans closer and as it always does her heart skips a beat. "Then I'm coming back," he says and presses a quick kiss to her temple.

* * *

_xvi._

Finn comes back to New York about two weeks later and moves in with her and Kurt. Divorce papers have been signed and filed and he's worked out an agreement with Quinn that will work for now and he will get to see Beth as often as they can manage. He also tells them that the minute he saw Puck walking down the street he punched him in the mouth and he seems extra pleased about that.

It's not supposed to be anything more than a temporary solution – him living with them – their little shoebox apartment can't really fit three people and Finn can't sleep on the floor forever. He's already started applying for teaching positions and looking for an apartment of his own so he's in New York to stay. He says he couldn't stay in Lima and see Quinn every day and watch as Puck is slowly introduced into Beth's life. He'd go crazy.

She's happy he's back and despite everything he does seem to be rather happy. And that's what she wanted all along, isn't it?

But it's strange living with him. They're all friends – her, Kurt and Finn – but she can't really ignore the sexual tension that still exists between her and Finn. It's there wrapping around them and dripping down their bodies whenever they're close together – which is almost always since the apartment is so small. Sometimes she wants to crawl out of her own skin when she sees him, his back turned to her, standing in the kitchen. He's so big and his shoulders are so broad and she just wants to run her hands all over the wide expanse of his back.

She wonders if it'll always be like this or if it'll fade once he gets his own apartment and she doesn't have to see him every day. A part of her hopes it will because she's still not supposed to have these feelings. He may not be married anymore but he's still so much older than her and now he's coming out of a difficult relationship and for all intents and purposes he's now a single father. It has disaster written all over it with big bold letters.

But then there's the part of her that still wants him to be hers so badly she thinks she might explode.

She's sitting on the sofa, flipping through the pages of the November issue of Cosmo when the front door opens. She knows it's not Kurt, not only because she knows it's his and Blaine's date night, but because she can sense_ him_. She keeps her eyes fixed on the article she's not really reading and listens as his footsteps come closer. The edge of the sofa dips with his weight and the faint smell of his aftershave swivels in the air.

He leans in and peeks over her shoulder and chuckles. "Got anyone in particular in mind you plan on trying that on?" he asks.

She looks up at him in confusion and he nods toward the magazine article she's supposedly consumed by with a sly smile – "5 tips for a five-star blowjob" – and her cheeks flush so hard they must be glowing scarlet.

He leans a little closer and mumbles something about her not needing any tips. She can't really hear what he's saying because his lips are so close to her cheek it muffles his voice and her heartbeat is so loud against her eardrums. She closes her eyes because it feels so good and it's not supposed to feel this good but it does and he cups the back of her head and tilts it to gain better access to her lips.

His lips press gently against hers – carefully, like he's testing the waters – and she can't help but melt into his soft touch. She twists, gripping his shoulders, and pulls herself up on her knees. Their mouths mesh together and his arms slip from her neck and slithers down her back. One hand cups her backside and the other glides under her shirt and the touch makes her shiver.

She could so easily lose herself in the moment. From one side this all seems so perfect – he's finally free to be hers and he wants her just as she wants him. From another side everything's still wrong – he's just had his entire life flipped over – he must still be reeling from that. She doesn't want to be his rebound girl.

So she pulls away.

He looks at her, his hazy eyes silently wondering what she's doing, his hands still wrapped tightly around her waist. She wiggles out of his grip; she can't do this if his hands are on her skin. She needs some distance.

"I'm sorry," she says, "Finn, I can't."

"Why?"

"I can't be the rebound girl – "

"You're not."

"Okay, maybe I'm not. Maybe we're meant to be. But right now your world is still spinning and your entire life just changed and I think you need to figure everything out. Make sure that this is what you want. That I'm the one you want."

"You are, Rachel," he says with so much force she nearly falls back into his arms, "and I'll prove it to you. You know I don't give up that easily."

* * *

_xvii._

She decides she needs to take her mind off Finn somehow. He's found a position as a music teacher at a small private school and he's moved out of their shoebox apartment. But the four of them – they're four now that Kurt has officially begun dating Blaine – still hang out nearly every day. It works well enough being just friends with him even after what happened between them but it's still there lingering around them – the sexual tension.

So she needs a distraction. And she finds the perfect one in one of Kurt's classmates.

Sam is blonde and gorgeous and so sweet and the first time they meet – when they're all out at a bar – he does impressions that nearly make her fall off her stool. She notices Finn a few stools down huffing to himself and rolling his eyes but she doesn't care. Sam is super cute, even if Kurt insists he dyes his hair and she can hear Santana's voice inside her head saying highly inappropriate things about his pouty lips, and she likes him.

So when he a few days later calls and asks her out to dinner she happily accepts.

Finn's sitting on the sofa next to Blaine apparently watching the Giants game as she exits her bedroom the night Sam is supposed to take her to dinner. Blaine wolf whistles and she gives a little twirl, giggling, as her short pale pink dress fans out and reveals her legs.

"Wow, that actually looks really good, Rachel," Kurt says, as he sashays toward them with a bottle of red wine in one hand and a cheese platter in the other, "I'm glad you went for the heels instead of those horrible flats you usually wear."

She huffs a little but doesn't say anything because honestly Kurt's right, the high heeled sandals make her legs look amazing. And if she didn't believe that all she'd have to do is look at Finn who hasn't been able to take his eyes off of her.

"What are you doing here? And what are you watching?"

She looks toward Kurt who's glaring at Finn as he puts the wine and cheese on the coffee table.

"Uh, hanging out?" Finn says, reaching for a cracker only to have Kurt slap away his hand, "Ow, dude!"

"Blaine and I were planning on having a nice, romantic night," Kurt huffs, "and that does not include you or whatever baseball game you're watching."

"Football," Finn says, getting up and stalking over to the kitchen and pulling out a chair, "whatever, I'll leave you alone as soon as – "

"Oh, so that's why you're here," Kurt says, smirking at his brother, "to check out the completion."

She can see Finn's cheeks turn pink and she can tell that he's about to protest and she wants to hear his answer but before he gets the chance to say something there's a knock at the door. The argument dies down behind her and she can feel three sets of eyes following her as she makes her way to the door.

"Sam, hi," she says, leaning in for a hug, still feeling one set of eyes on her back.

"Hi, Rachel, you ready?" Sam asks, smiling widely at her and he's so gorgeous and she waits for her heart to flip flop – but it doesn't. She probably just needs to spend some more time with him.

"Yes, let's go," she says, letting him lead her away by a hand on the small of her back. "See you guys later," she says over her shoulder and catches a final glimpse of Finn just as the door closes behind her.

* * *

_xviii._

Four weeks later she breaks it off with Sam. She likes him – she really does because he's sweet and cute and funny – but he's not right. She knew that after their first date when she let him gently press his lips against hers in a chaste goodnight kiss. His lips were too large, they didn't mold perfectly against hers, and she didn't feel that tingle move through her lips and down her spine. Not like it felt the first time she kissed Finn.

But when he asks her to the movies a week later she still says yes because even though she doesn't really feel the tingle now that doesn't mean she won't after a second date. And when they sit in the dark theater watching a movie about some superhero and Sam wraps his arm around her shoulders she leans into him. She really likes him and she really wants to discover that she fits perfectly in the crook of his arm. But she doesn't.

And she lets him take her on a third date and a fourth date and a fifth. But her heart doesn't spin till she gets dizzy and her legs don't turn into jelly and when he kisses her and when she closes her eyes his hair isn't blonde.

She finds Finn sitting by himself on their sofa as she gets home after her fifth date with Sam – the one where she told him she thinks they're better suited as friends and he kind of agreed – and she stops in her tracks because he startles her.

"Finn," she says, bringing her hand up to cover her heart, "it's almost midnight, what are you doing here?"

He shifts in his seat, looking at her under heavy lids. "I knew Kurt would be at Blaine's tonight so I just thought I'd make sure you got home okay."

"What if I'm going to spend the night with Sam?" she finds herself saying and she's sure she can see hurt flash briefly in his eyes.

"Are you?"

"Well, no, but if I were that wouldn't be any of your business."

He nods and he gives her a little smile and she knows she's can't lie to him. "Actually," she starts, slowly, "Sam and I aren't seeing each other anymore. We decided that it's best if we just stay friends."

"Oh," Finn hums and gets up and she can see the confidence start to fill his body. There's something cocky about him that she can't decide if it's incredibly sexy or annoying. He takes a few more steps and he's right next to her when he continues, leaning so close she can feel the heat radiating from his body. "You know, I think I know why it didn't work out between you two," he says.

"Why is that?" she asks, holding herself together by the seams, forcing herself not to melt into a puddle on the floor.

"He's not me," he mumbles. Then he stands up straight, gives her a lopsided grin and heads toward the door. "I'm glad you got home safe, Rach. I'll see you around."

Her mouth gapes open as she watches him leave and she feels an urge to take off her pointy toed shoe and throw it at his head but she can't because she's too preoccupied with the fact that he is one-hundred percent correct.

* * *

_xix._

She turns nineteen on a chilly December day and all of her friends are there to celebrate with her. Kurt and Blaine organized the whole thing and it's this big and loud and glittery pink party in their tiny apartment and they invited everyone she's ever met it feels like.

Santana and Brittany have flown in from LA and she's so happy to finally get to see them again. Mike, who works at the same dance studio as she, is there and he's brought his girlfriend Tina and they hit it off immediately. Their next door neighbors Rory and Sugar are there too and she can't really stand Sugar – she's heard her sing through the paper thin walls – but it's true what they say "the more the merrier" so she can't really complain. Even Sam's there with the new girl he's been seeing, Mercedes, and they hug as he wishes her a happy birthday and she knows they'll be friends forever.

And Finn's there too of course. He's standing at the back, pressed against the wall, taking sips from a red cup as he watches her greet her friends. She can feel his eyes on her as Kurt places the pink "Happy Birthday" tiara on her head and as Santana pulls her in for another hug – and whispers a question about the oaf in the corner that she giggles at but doesn't answer – and as Sugar proceeds to talk her ear off about an episode of Real Housewives.

When she thinks she's about to go insane, from all of the people around her in the tiny space and the very strong pink margarita in her hand and Sugar's high pitched voice, she feels an arm wrap – too tightly to be just friendly – around her waist. Finn comes up next to her and smiles cheekily at Sugar who blushes.

"Sorry," he says, "don't mean to interrupt but I think it's my turn with the birthday girl."

He spins her around and pulls her into a crushing hug and she can feel his breath on her neck and it makes her just a little bit dizzy.

"Happy birthday, Rach," he says, pulling back. He looks down at her with that little worry wrinkle he sometimes gets just above his nose. He shifts his weight from foot to foot as he pulls something from his back pocket. "I…uh I got you something." He hands her a small, rectangular box wrapped prettily in gold paper and she squeals and smiles widely at him.

"Open it," he says.

She pulls off the ribbon and meticulously peels off the bits of tape going so slowly she can tell that he's getting more and more nervous beside her. Sliding apart the gold paper she reveals a velvet box and she gasps. "Finn," she whispers, "this is too much."

"You don't even know what it is yet," he smiles.

She opens the lid and tears – happy tears – prickle her eyes as she looks down at a delicate star charm hanging on a thinly woven gold chain. It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given her. "It's beautiful," she says.

"Just like you." He takes the small necklace in his large hands and she turns and pulls her hair away and lets him clasp the chain around her neck. His hands linger at her neck and she brings a finger to gently touch the cold metal of the star, her skin warm beneath it. "You're a star, Rachel. You know, I don't know much but I do know that. And I know you don't need me, but I just want you to know that I will always be here for you no matter what."

She's about to say something – she doesn't know what exactly – but he silences her with a kiss. It's just a swift peck on her lips and it's innocent and sweet but it makes her every cell hum. And then he leaves and she watches him squeeze between her friends as he makes his way toward the door and she thinks he's silly because of course she needs him.

* * *

_xx._

In January – about a year after she first met Finn and Quinn and Beth – Finn tells her that once Quinn can find a job she and Beth will also be moving to New York. Apparently it's some sort of a peace offering from Quinn and he seems to be happy about it and she tries her hardest to read Finn's expression as he tells her. She doesn't know where the irrational bout of jealousy is coming from but it's there.

"That's nice," she says.

"Yeah," he smile, "it'll be awesome getting to see Beth more often. I mean I know Puck's coming along too so that means I have to see him too, but I guess I can live with that."

"So, it's just Beth you're excited about seeing?" she asks and immediately feels like that silly little school girl.

"Yeah, Rach, of course," he says with so much conviction it eases most of the tension from her body, "I'd be perfectly okay if I never had to look at either Quinn or Puck ever again." He wraps his arm around her shoulders in a friendly hug and she sinks into him and notices how perfectly she fits in the crook of his arm.

He kind of catches up to her weird behavior and looks at her with questions filling his eyes. "Wait, what? Did you think… did you think I'd ever go back to Quinn?"

"No, no, of course not," she says, not very convincingly and the arm around her shoulders tighten.

"You saved me from that life, Rachel," he says and his usual goofy grin is replaced with a set, serious mouth as he speaks. "You know what my first thought was when the shock of what Quinn had told me had settled?"

She shakes her head.

"That I needed to go to New York and find you because I chose the wrong girl. I don't think I would have made it to New York if I hadn't known you'd be here. I would have stayed in Lima and watched Puck be Beth's father and Quinn's husband and I would have been miserable for the rest of my life."

She slides her arms around his middle and she hugs him as tightly as she possibly can and whispers into his chest; "I'm really glad you found me."

* * *

_xxi._

She goes to Finn's apartment and she lets herself in – she has a key to his apartment just as he has one to her and Kurt's – and he's sitting by the kitchen island eating a bowl of Froot Loops. She smiles, watching him shove a spoonful into his mouth, as her mind flashes back to an evening in his old kitchen about a year ago. When she first realized she'd fallen for Finn Hudson – her friend's stepbrother who was seven years older than her and married. She laughs a little to herself and that catches his attention.

"Hey, Rach! I didn't hear you come in," he says, smiling his adorable grin at her, "Want some?" He pushes the box of cereal toward her and she smiles but declines by a shake of her head. "So, what's up?" he says as she sits down next to him. "We didn't have plans, did we?"

"No," she says, "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd say hi."

It's not a complete lie. She was in the neighborhood – her neighborhood about ten blocks south of his. She just hadn't seen him in a few days since he'd been busy with work and Beth and she… well, she kind of missed him. Honestly it was getting harder and harder not getting to see him every day.

"Well then, hi," he says, shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

"Hi."

She watches him as he eats his snack with enthusiasm, once more flashing back to that day in his kitchen and she can't stop the smile that's tilting her lips.

He looks at her, "What are you smiling about?"

"Just remembering something," she says, a thin veil covering her words. He arches an eyebrow in question, asking her to go on. "This," she says, making a sweeping motion with her hand over the island, "reminds me very much of an afternoon we spent together about a year ago. We were sitting in your kitchen, talking and eating Froot Loops for dinner and that was when I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That I'd hopelessly fallen for you."

His mouth curves and he moves his chair closer to hers so that their thighs are pressed together and she thinks she can feel him shake a little. "And what about now?" he asks, his breath catching in his throat.

"Now," she says, drawing the word out to its full length, "Now I am one hundred percent certain that I'm hopelessly in love with you." She smiles at his dumbstruck expression and leans in and presses a kiss to his parted lips.

"Are you absolutely sure, Rachel?" he asks as their lips part, "I know you said you didn't want to be my rebound girl and you're not. You're not a rebound. You're it for me, Rachel. I just want you to really know that."

"I know," she says, caressing his face and tracing the scatter of freckles across his nose with the tips of her fingers. "Now, tell me you love me and kiss me back."

And he does and all she knows is that this is what it's supposed to feel like.

_The End_

* * *

_A/N: Thanks so much for reading! This was probably my favorite story to write so far, I hope you enjoyed it as well!_


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